It has been a minute!! Since Christmas there have been a whirlwind of things happening in my life. Some great hurt and tragic disappointments and some mountain top moments of restoration. I will spare you all of the details for now and just say, hi!
So, what brings me to the keyboard this morning are some pretty strong thoughts about perfection.
I have been told on multiple occasions that I could be intimidating! To some that know me, that just seems preposterous. It is pretty hilarious to me. But, statements like that, that I feel go against the grain of who I am in my core make me do a little digging. Here is what I have come up with.. perfection is intimidating.
Slow your roll and screen shot of that statement. I am not saying I am perfect, I am sooo far from it. I have some MAJOR issues!! But, I am saying I have always tried to be and I have always tried to put off the vibe that I have it all together. I like it when things are predictable, organized and well put together – including myself. I also felt like that was the only way others would love me. I wanted to be enough for them. Whenever I wasn’t those things, I would hide it, pretend. Vulnerability is hard for me and not being open and vulnerable is what can make you appear intimidating to others.
My life could be coming apart at the seams, my heart could be shattered into a million pieces and a year ago you wouldn’t know. I thought I was being a good example. I was wrong. I figured out, with the gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit, that I wasn’t helping anyone. Giving off the vibe that I was sliding through life with no scrapes, bruises or hang ups wasn’t inspiring anyone. I had preached about how it was ok to not be ok, but I didn’t allow myself to not be ok. I talked about how we needed others, but I didn’t tell anyone when I had needs. I just tried to have it all together so I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone else. Living that way always left me feeling alone and misunderstood. There is no real intimacy in your life when you are not open about how you feel about things, you don’t feel truly known. Yeah, it was hard to start being honest with myself and others when I wasn’t ok. You realize some people don’t want to be there for you, they liked the fact that you were strong and always there for them, but it was a one sided relationship. Not everyone can handle a front row seat to your life.
But, those that can.. well your relationships with them will grow to a whole new level. You will find people that want to be there for you, that are relieved and not disappointed that you are not as together as you acted. Going through things, surviving heartbreak, tragedies and brokenness .. that is what inspires people. Being able to show people compassion because you get where they are coming from, that makes a difference. Making it clear that you are only ok because of the strength and guidance you get from God and not because of how great you are is what gives people hope.
I just wanted to encourage you.. it is ok to be messed up. It is ok to need someone else to hug you and tell you it is going to be ok. That is not weakness. It is ok to admit that you are hurt. It is ok to disappoint others. It is ok to get it wrong sometimes. It is ok to need a time out. It is ok to be human. God didn’t intend for you to be perfect. He intended for you to need Him. No matter how healed, delivered or set free you may be, you still need Him. The very thing that you went through, may be the very thing someone else needs to know you survived so that you can give them hope.
Throw off the idea of perfection, and work towards being an inspiration.