Marriage Monday: Protective Boundaries


image1.JPGMy husband and I have a lot of boundaries in place to protect our marriage. Some of them seem strict to some people. But, in a world where everywhere I turn people I know are getting a divorce or news from an affair is coming out, it doesn’t seem quite so strict.

Recently we were talking with some friends about marriage boundaries: the husband was telling us that a lady he works with just doesn’t understand what the big deal about riding together in a car is. Often they have business lunches with a group and she doesn’t think it is a big deal that they ride together. He has tried to explain that is just an agreement he and his wife have in place, they won’t ride in a car with the opposite sex alone.

Now, it didn’t seem nuts to us. My husband and I have the same boundary. We don’t do car rides or meetings alone with the opposite sex. This means coffee meetings, lunches, or even counseling sessions. Why? Our marriage is the most important relationship we have and we believe in protecting it. My friendships are important to me but not as important as my relationship with my husband. Most people don’t go looking for an affair, it just happens.

It starts as texting, riding to lunch together, meeting for coffee and becoming too comfortable with each other. Also, we don’t want it to even look like we are doing something that could potentially cause division in our marriage. I would prefer to risk offending someone else than to break a  boundary that I have set with my husband. I believe that men and women can be friends. I have some men in my life that are like brothers to me, but they are also friends of my husband; and they are for our marriage.  Friendships can flourish as long as there are healthy boundaries. There are many friendships throughout the years that have had the potential to ruin our marriage and very strong boundaries had to be established.


The world may see it as weird, but I see it as putting the most important relationship first and making efforts to affair proof our marriage. It is not jealousy. Neither my husband nor myself are jealous people. We have just witnessed far too many people we know live through the heartbreak of affairs that could have been avoided.

What about you? What boundaries do you have in place to protect your marriage? What boundaries do you need to consider putting in place to protect your marriage?



2 thoughts

  1. It only takes one time… to ruin a marriage, be separated from your kids, lose trust in everyone who knows… Boundaries are GOOD! Great job Toni!

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