This past weekend I celebrated my 38th birthday. Someone asked me the other day if I was 29 again and winked, I said, “No way, I am 38.” I wouldn’t go back to being 29 for anything. I am proud of my age and who I am becoming at this age. It took a lot of work, prayer and medical bills to get me to this sweet age and I intend to celebrate it, not be ashamed of it.
Birthdays use to bring a little bit of gloominess to me. I have always enjoyed celebrating, but birthdays reminded me of all of the things I could have been by that age. You know how it goes; you see a ballerina younger than you and think, “I could have done that.” (NOT REALLY) You wonder if you had of started younger, figured out what you loved sooner, been more dedicated than maybe you could have been more.
There it was; more. I never felt like I was enough and birthdays reminded me of that. The journey I have been on this year has led me to being satisfied being exactly who I am and where I am. I am no longer trying to be the next anybody, I am just being me. This change in perspective led me to celebrate a little differently this year.
This year, I threw my own party, which is fun for me because I love hosting events. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. We had my party under my favorite tree in my own backyard. There were tiki lights leading out to the tree, a fire pit, enough comfortable chairs for everyone, lights hanging from the tree, lanterns filled with candles, tons of cheese, meat, bread, dips, cake and chocolate pie. It was perfection.
As we all settled in under my tree and around the food, a warmth like sweet honey filled my soul. We were gathering, connecting, sharing, eating, and celebrating life outside under the stars in the middle of God’s beautiful creation; and it was enough. I was enough. This is what life was about and it is worth celebrating. Sometimes being broken is what will lead you to a journey of living an abundant life.
I am grateful for the broken places that were in my life. They led me to make some life altering decisions that guided me to a place of being loved, cared for, known and enough. It is a journey that continues everyday to be me, but it is a journey that is bringing so much life to my life.
Our lives are fleeting, they are shorter than we will ever want them to be. When you get a chance to celebrate, do it. Light the candles, laugh, talk , love, dance, sing and sit under the stars. Bring life to your life and to the lives of others. Let’s really live!