It is in the moments I mess up. The moments that people attack my family. The moments that my blood pressure soars through the roof. The moments that I see hate and lies typed out onto a screen. The moments people love to try and twist everything I say. The moments I want to sit under a tree like Jonah and wait for God to wipe out my enemies. The moments that the hurt in my heart bubbles up through my throat and out of my mouth. The moments I realize I am not as strong as I thought I was. The moments I let people silence me. The moments I want to hide my light because I am tired of people trying to destroy it. The moments I want to isolate myself because I do not feel safe. The moments I am in a crowded room and feel utterly alone. The moments that I don’t think it is worth it. The moments that bitterness is trying to take root and I am trying to decide if I want to cut it off or let it grow. The moments I just want to give up on humanity. The moments I wish I was cold-hearted instead of tender.
It is also in moments, beautiful moments that the Spirit of the Lord moves in on me like a gentle fall breeze. The moments I calm down. The moments I get a grip on my soul. The moments that I tell the Lord I am weary and He gives me rest. The moments I realize the burdens I am carrying are not the ones He gave me because His are light. In these moments, God supernaturally changes my heart. He steadies my mind and rights my skewed perspective. He enhances the truth of my reality and strips away the lies of the enemy. It is in the moments I realize there is more on me than I can handle because He wants to handle it for me. In these moments I become brave again, not because of my strength or ability but because the Lord of the Universe is letting me cast my cares on Him. In these moments I am glad He made me tender. God is letting me be what He already created me to be. In these moments, the exhaustion is lifted and I am living lightly, freely and courageously again.
Thank you Lord for the beautiful moments. Thank you for knowing my heart and blowing gently across it during the moments I am messing up.