“Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.” (Galatians 5:25-26)
Don’t you wish you could go back and give your younger self some advice? I sure wish I could. I look back on that girl trying to prove herself, trying to be ambitious and make a name for herself, trying to make everyone happy, comparing herself to others and I wish I could tell her a few things.
I would tell her that just because she felt more called to minister at home than at church doesn’t make her a bad pastor’s wife. I wish I could tell her not to do things to try and prove that she has value. I wish I could tell her that her worth was not determined by her accomplishments. I wish I could tell her that no matter how hard she tries, people will be mean and hate her. I would tell her she is a miracle, that she was created for the glory of God. I would tell her to be more concerned about being a virtuous woman than a popular woman. I would tell her it is far easier to see the best in others when you can see the best in yourself. I would tell her to quit comparing herself to others.
That last one, that is the one that still hangs me up to this day. In my life I have been through many different seasons. My heart as a young person was to be a wife and mom. However, I knew I was capable of much “more” and tried to pursue many things. I was good at business, I was good at leading some areas of the church, I was good, but not fulfilled. I was willing, but sometimes it went beyond willing to pushing myself too hard. I was trying to prove something. Pride was the root cause. Culture didn’t sing the praises of the stay at home mom and the woman that supported her husband. It sang the praises of the worn out woman who was killing it at her career and trying to give what she had left at home. I wanted to feel valuable. The women that can have a career and care for their families are truly amazing, and there is nothing wrong with that. Please understand, I am not saying what I do is right and others are wrong. It is just not what God graced me for. I have a husband who pastors and leads in his community. He is a very busy man. God had to really deal with the pride in my life to show me that it was ok to minister to my husband and son so they can go and do what God had called them to do. My calling was to to serve them. I GET to do a lot of other things. I get to lead the women of Sisterhood, I get to write, I get to be available to help others, I get to play with the worship team and so on. I don’t need a title or career to serve others. The root of chasing down the “more” in my life was comparing myself to others. It kept me chasing the wrong things for the wrong reasons.
I can now be truly happy for my friends who are successful doing what they do. I can rejoice with others when they are happy. I can do that because I know that I have far more interesting things to do with my life than compare myself to others. Comparison can lead to jealousy and judgement. I have learned that none of us are better or worse than anyone else. I am just doing what God made me to do and loving it.
So, if you are a stay at home mom, a working mom, a single lady, a breast feeding mom, a bottle feeding mom, a member of the PTO, a member of AA, a leader, a follower, an inspirer, a woman trying to get pregnant, an empty nester, a creative woman, an organized woman, or whatever other type of woman you consider yourself to be; I would love to tell you this..
Don’t consider yourself better or worse than anyone else. You are an original. You have far more interesting things to do with your life than to compare it to others. Do what God has created you to do no matter what others think. Don’t chase after the “more” in life, chase after Jesus. Your worth is not determined by your accomplishments, how many hours you worked out, how many commitments you have, the size of your house, the name brands on your clothes or the number of instagram followers you have. You are a child of the King. Your worth comes from Him alone. Don’t worry about being popular, be concerned about being virtuous. Don’t try and be famous, try to be a servant. See the best in others and see the best in yourself. Everyone does not have to like you or be like you, it is ok. You are a miracle, you were created for the glory of God, He delights in you.