Last night at Sisterhood we took a personality test. I got the Melancholy Bumblebee. If you have ever taken Dr. Gary Smalley’s test it is pretty much the beaver. It pretty well nailed me. It is funny how my weaknesses really stick out to me. I was thinking, “Wow, I really need to try to be more fun, I am going to change and be a way more fun person.” I mean the Otter seemed to be where it is at. I noticed something though, when I looked at the otter, I didn’t look at the weaknesses column, I only looked at the strengths column. I was totally convicted. I looked back at the weaknesses column of the otter and realized that I wouldn’t want those weaknesses either. Then I took a moment and actually looked at the strengths column of the bumblebee. I am not so bad, in fact I really like the bumblebee, I will go a step farther and say I even like other people who are bumblebees themselves.
So why do we always wish we were something else?? I have wasted a lot of time in my life wishing I was something I was not. I have exhausted myself trying to be like other people and focusing on my weaknesses rather than my strengths. I would even try to convince others that knew me that I was really different, just misunderstood. (Bumblebees are known for thinking they are misunderstood, so yeah.. I was proving it all along). Learning to embrace who I am has taken a life time. It has been a crazy journey. But, I am learning to embrace it and trust God with the gaps. These tests are designed to help you understand yourself and others better. Not to put you in a box. I think for most of my life I have struggled with my identity, because I wanted to have one so badly. I wanted to be labeled for something, known for something. I finally noticed that all of that was putting God in a box. It was putting all of the weight and burden of who I am on me.
I was leaving out the part that I was created by the God of the Universe. He can’t fit into a box and neither can I. I am not my own. Yes, I can control my behavior, at least at 37 I should be able to. But, God wanted to partner with me. If I will do my part and surrender myself to Him, He will do His supernatural part and make Himself known in my weakness.
There are not right or wrong personality types. God didn’t mess up with us. We each have a unique calling on our lives. I found the most freedom in my life when I let go of all other identities and chose the one that is child of God. This one leaves it open to be all that God created me to be. This one takes the weight and pressure off of me. I don’t have to exhaust myself trying to be perfect. I am not, I have l flaws and I need the grace of God.
So, I am learning to embrace the bee within me. I know I have some behaviors that with the help of the Holy Spirit I can improve. But, I am going to be my organized, planning, high standard, critical, sometimes over demanding self in the meantime. When I find myself flitting around trying to be sure everything is in its proper place, everything is done and everyone is where they should be I am just going to hum the flight of the bumblebee song to myself. After all, it is a pretty good representation of myself in song. And, if you happen to run into me while I am not letting God fill the gaps and I am working in my weakness not on it, I apologize in advance if I STING you.