Someone asked me the other day what I thought the secret was to real intimacy in my marriage. Lots of things popped in my head, but I would say that the biggest thing would be trust. The person that I was speaking with thought this was a bit of a “popular” answer and said, “of course trust, but I mean besides that.” Obviously, they didn’t know what trust meant to my husband and I.
You see when I say that my husband trusts me, it means so much more than he trusts me not to cheat on him. I am my husband’s biggest confidant because he trusts that what he tells me is confidential. He knows that any information given to me that is confidential stays locked down between he and I. My husband always wants me at his side because he trusts me to never embarrass him. He knows if anything I am going to try to make him look even better. You won’t see me roll my eyes or bulldoze past my husband. It is not about being subservient or a pushover.. my husband respects me because he trusts me to be respectable. My husband shares with me about what is going on with him because he knows that he can trust me with even his biggest weakness. He knows his weaknesses will not be blasted on facebook, talked about on the phone or ever be thrown up against him. My husband values my opinion because he trusts me not to use it to manipulate him.
This kind of trust is real intimacy. It doesn’t happen over night. It is tried and tested throughout our lives together. I trust him in all of the same ways. I know that he wants the best for me. That he would never expose my weaknesses. I trust that right or wrong, he will have my back because he is my protector. I can soar because I trust he is there to catch me if I fall. We don’t expect perfection out of each other, so we have to trust each other with our imperfections. This is real trust and this type of trust opens the door to being truly known which leads to real intimacy. If you feel your marriage is struggling in the area of true intimacy, maybe it is time to talk about trust!