Confessions of a Pastor’s Wife


Well, this blog post may be a little shocking, but I feel the need to confess some things to you! You see, I realize that God has given me a great influence over people. I am thankful for that and very mindful of it. However, as I post blogs and encouraging things on facebook, I never want people to think that I think I have it all together, because I do not!! I am just like any other woman who struggles to keep her family life, social life and career together. However, I am extremely open to change and to becoming the best that I can be. So, I read and try to be poured into as much as possible so I can pour out. But, I thought it may be fun to let you in on some secrets from the Pastor’s wife!! Remember people… GRACE!

First of all, the term Pastor’s wife in itself can drive some people crazy! It is a position in itself. Yet, it’s not if you don’t want it to be.  And then, what about if you are one of those women who are called to be on staff and serve alongside your husband as co-pastor. What are you then? Blah. It can be really confusing. Identity is something most every pastor’s wife friend of mine struggles with. To be honest, I do as well. I have realized that God called me into the ministry. I don’t have to put a label on it. God gave me influence over people and an ability to communicate His word.  Whatever kind of make- up you want to put on that, really doesn’t matter. I have finally gotten to a place where I am confident in who I am no matter how others want to label me.  But, this is a battle that does pop up often in my life! My roles as wife, mom, pastor’s wife, co-pastor, youth pastor, church member… they all really just bleed into this…..    Toni, Ambassador of Christ.  Same as you!

Confession #2 / Sometimes, I feel like a single person on Sundays.  Don’t get me wrong, Sundays are my favorite day of the week! I adore coming to the House, getting to see everyone, worshipping together, hearing my husband preach and seeing people’s lives changes.  But, picture this…  My husband and I drive separately ( there is no way I could leave the house as early as he does.) I see him the same time everyone else does right before he goes on stage. We try to be in the lobby together to greet First Time Guests as they leave and we text each other before leaving church to be sure one of us has our son.  However, when we go to conferences, I love it!! We get to sit in church together like a regular family. It is an honor to sit on the front row married to the man delivering God’s word, but sometimes it is a lonely seat.

Confession #3 / I have to say no a lot. There are lot of things competing for my time and attention. Things that I would love, but, my family is the most important thing to me, so sometimes to protect my schedule, I have to say no. Most people are pretty understanding about that.  But what bothers me is that just b/c I have to say no a lot doesn’t mean I don’t want to be invited. There might possibly could be a chance that I could participate.

Confession #4 / I am naturally thin. People talk about how thin I am and I feel the need to defend it… weird I know! I will say something about my throat condition or whatever. Truth is, I eat cupcakes and milkshakes a lot, I rarely work out and I am just naturally thin. Sorry. There it is. And no, I don’t think I am too skinny and neither does my husband and his opinion is the only one that counts 😉 I HATE it when people tell me I need to gain weight. I don’t talk to you about your weight so some things just shouldn’t be said to me.  Tell your husband on the car ride home!

Confession #5 / It feels good to be recognized. No, I am not an ego addict by far, but I usually hear about how amazing my husband is (which he is), it is nice for people to let me know how I have impacted their lives as well.

Confession #6 / I am terrible at helping my son with homework. So glad our children’s pastor is a teacher!!

Confession #7 / I try to be superwoman. I fail miserably.

Confession #8 / I love clothes, shoes and purses! If I could get away with wearing leather pants, I would!

Confession#9 / I am an incredibly loving person, unless you talk about my husband or my son in a negative way. I don’t care if you are right!

Confession #10 / A lot of people know who I am, but few really know me.

Confession #11 / I sometimes need an attitude check b/c I get tired of sharing my husband with 1000+ other people.  Obviously that is not reality! My husband is great about putting his family first. Like I said, I need an attitude check!

Confession #12 / I have a problem trying to prove myself by taking on too much responsibility!

Confession #13 / I failed my first speech in college.

Confession #14 / I HATE sharing food. I don’t want to let anyone taste it, or take just a bite. Get your own bowl of ice cream!!!!


There you have it! I have issues! We all do! To help with those issues that we all have, I want to give away a book today. You see no matter what we do or how we do it, we all have a calling and a purpose. The way to grow is to study God’s word and allow it to change you. I have come a long way, but I have a long way to go!


So, leave me a “confession” comment on this blog post. It MUST be on this blog page, not on FB and you will be entered to win the “Jesus Calling Devotional Bible” !


14 thoughts

  1. Toni, first of all I would like to say that your blog was wonderful. I can understand and sympathize with every thing you said. People in general easily dish out complaints, but seldom give compliments. Therefore, I would like to say that YOU have made a big impact on my life. Here are few confessions of my own:

    1. I hate that everybody thinks that I am loud and that my husband is embarrassed by my “loudness” all the time. I can’t help it. No one can change their laugh, believe me I would if I could. God created me that way, I guess.

    2. I am a very nosey person. I want to be “in the know.” I won’t tell anyone, just want to know. I can’t stand for other people to know something that I don’t.

    3. I have a problem telling people No. I can’t stand to hurt people’s feelings.

    I have several more, I could go on and on, but you actually only asked for one. Love you Toni. You inspire me!!!!

    1. I LOVE you too Tina!!! Thank you, that means a lot to me! and.. I adore your laugh!! I love that you sit behind me and things that crack me up, crack you up too!! Thanks for your confessions!!!!!!

  2. Hi, Pastor Toni!! I really enjoyed this post and getting a small glimpse into your life. Your Sunday routine was quite surprising at first…but makes perfect sense once you think about it! 🙂 My confession is that I have never been baptized being that I did not grow up in church (although I did grow up in a household of believers and was always talked to about God). I truly feel like I am to the point in my journey of faith that this is definitely my next step. I want to profess my love of Christ for all the world to see and cannot wait to take the plunge!!!

  3. I love that you wrote this. So for your confession #5 I want to recognize you and give you credit because as I said on my first visit to Oasis, you and your human video with the youth on Easter (“bleeding love”) was what initially drew me to come visit the church when I moved back to Pascagoula. Since that first visit, I have really fallen in love with the church that your husband AND you make so wonderful. I loved your sermon on The Big Reveal. I really want to come up to the Mix one day and hear more of your words. I also think that it is very great that you do so much in the community as well like FCS and such. Growing up in school, FCS and YFC were two of my favorite things and ignited such a passion inside of me so to be a part of a church that also believes and takes part in the student outreach is even more compelling. You are doing a great job and it shows!

  4. I am sensitive kind and caring and get taken advantage of because i do not like to tell people no. I keep thinking of all my confessions i could give.

  5. Some of many confessions:
    -I find myself trying too hard sometimes to get other people’s approval.
    -It’s easy for me to want what others have or look like 🙁

    I loved your confessions Toni!!!
    You are an awesome woman and I am so glad to have you a part of my life!!

  6. I think you are great! Can’t wait to get to know u better!!! You are an inspiration!!! My confession must be that I try to save the world, although I know I can’t! I am fairly new to Oasis regularly & I absolutely love it! Thanks for always being so welcoming! You are admired by many! I have several other confessions, I will share them another time!

  7. Hey everyone!! I entered everyone’s name in a drawing and Carly Kelley you won!!! You can pick up this amazing devotional Bible during office hours Monday through Thursday or you can pick it up during Experiences on Wednesday or Sunday. It will be at Guest Services those days. Congrats!!!!

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